How to Deal with a Guy Who Suffers from Premature Ejaculation

As someone who has personally grappled with and, ahem, overcome, PE, I can tell you firsthand that it's no fun being too fast in the sack. When I was struggling with PE, I felt terribly alone, but studies show that nearly two-thirds of women have had sex with a man who experienced premature ejaculation. In my experience as a sex therapist, men with PE report less satisfaction and more anxiety about their sexual relationships. It can wreck their confidence and cause them to avoid new relationships altogether.

But misery doesn't deserve company, especially yours. So what can you do with a guy who's quick on the trigger? Follow my signature three-step process: — Please, Squeeze, At Ease — to help him step on the brakes and savor the trip:

Step 1: Please
Look, if your guy suffers from PE, you don't have to get into a whole angst-ridden conversation about it that's going to make both of you feel like getting on a "fast track" away from each other. In fact, you can work on his problem without him ever knowing you know it's a problem. And you can make it a whole lot of fun.

Tell your guy you want him to experience him the ecstatic pleasures of male multiple orgasms: You're going to bring him as close to the edge as possible, but he needs to help you by letting you know when he's about to go over. By bringing him close to the point of ejaculatory inevitability, but not past it, he will experience one or two pleasurable orgasmic contractions, which will expel some of the sexual tension that has built up in his pelvic region. Make a game out of bringing him in and out of his "peak zone" and you're killing two birds with one stone: giving him the pleasure of male multiple orgasms and helping him last longer. And if he does come too quickly (which is bound to happen as you both get the hang of this), don't make a big deal out of it — it's all part of the fun.

When dealing with a premie, some ideal ways of pleasing him include manual and oral stimulation (which keep you close to the action), as well as getting on top during intercourse. Not only does the female superior position help you to enjoy sex by letting you press your clitoris directly against his pelvis, but with you on top, and in control, there's not only less "Sturm und Drang," but also less "thrust and bang."

Step 2: Squeeze
Now that you've done some pleasing, it's time for some squeezing. Apply firm pressure with your thumb and forefinger and focus the pressure on the urethra, the tube running along the underside of the penis. Squeeze right below the head of his penis. This technique, developed by Masters and Johnson, pushes blood out of the penis and suppresses the ejaculatory response.

Step 3: At Ease

After you've given him a good squeeze, back off his penis and go back to hugging and kissing, and focus on stimulating other body parts. Give it a good 30 to 60 seconds before you return to any form of direct genital stimulation. Not only does the "at ease" period let him relax and cool down, it's also a chance for him to practice some pleasing on you. Premature ejaculators are typically very anxious about wanting their partners to experience orgasms and are generally all too happy to give you manual and oral stimulation or introduce a sex toy into the action. It's all part of the sexual courtesy that was at the heart of my book She Comes First and part of a philosophy that allows a premature ejaculator to develop confidence and control while simultaneously pleasuring you. With a premature ejaculator, take the emphasis off of simultaneous orgasm and focus on serial orgasms: one after the other, you first.

And finally, know that safer sex is often longer-lasting sex. Not only will a condom take a little of the oversensitive edge off, but these days many condoms are designed for guys with PE and come with names like "Her Pleasure," as well as a drop of lidocaine at the tip, which will render him comfortably — no, make that ecstatically — numb.

Squeeze, Please, At Ease. Got it? You have your marching orders, Lieutenant of Love — now go turn your minute-man into a sexual superman (one who's thankfully not faster than a speeding bullet).